SCLakes.com

Handy dictionary to decipher Personals Ads ...
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WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 49
Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends
Athletic.................... No breasts
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated
Feminist.................... Fat ball buster
Free spirit................. Junkie
Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................... Annoying
Gentle...................... Comatose
Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic
New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded................. Desperate
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................ Certified Bitch
Redhead..................... Bad dye-job
Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat
Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light
Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous.................. Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height.. Hugely Fat-as tall as you are wide
Wants Soul mate............. Stalker
Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.............. Old bat



MEN'S ADS

40-ish...................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.................... Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking............. Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.................... Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit................. Banging your sister
Friendship first............ As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun......................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking................ Arrogant
Very good looking........... Dumb as a board
Honest...................... Pathological Liar
Huggable.................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle............. Insecure mama's boy
Mature...................... Older than your father
Open-minded................. Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit.............. Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet........................ Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive................... Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.............. Gay
Spiritual................... Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable...................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful.................. Says "Excuse me" when he farts