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Humans existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during
the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster
in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were
the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and
that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some
men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were
weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy
liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention
of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting
to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized
by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like
imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or
imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher
also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat
and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines,
athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed
and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here
ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before
simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other "true believers."
_________________
God Bless America, Land that I love
It's only a gambling problem if you lose
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